Thank YOU for ME.

I wrote this post a few months back, but didn't feel like I had a right to put it out there at the time.
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My mom died today.


I did not know her well.


I do not know what perfume she preferred, or what her favorite color was.


I do not know the story of why my Father raised my sister and I, but whatever reason it was, I was never angry with her for the choices that she had to make in order to survive in her own story.




I have always known that sometimes, we have to make choices and decisions that others do not understand.


I have always felt that she did.




I have some memories of my mom, Always good ones.
I wasn't old enough to remember bad times or hold on to bad memories.




Maybe I have forgotten them.




I do remember her laugh. She had the best laugh that I have ever heard. It attracted me instantly to her the very first time that I heard it.


It was a laugh that was given with every inch of her.
Gritty, loud and real.
As a child, I wanted to blanket it around me.
I wanted to be the recipient of that laugh, and watch her eyes alight on me.




I remember visiting her when I was young and being in awe of how beautiful my mom was.
I took pride in that.
She was fun and beautiful and she laughed a lot.




I have not spoken to her in years, and yet when my sister told me of her passing...tears filled my eyes.


 Regret inevitably followed.


I couldn't put a name on why I was so sad. Why would I cry for someone that I did not know?My sisters sobs echoed my own.




"Why are we crying?" I mumbled into the phone


"Because...she gave us life. She was our mom." My sister replied.




It is sad.


And yet I hope that she finds peace at last.




I hope that whatever monsters or demons have chased her, have become slain by her passing.


I hope that she knows how thankful I am that she had me.
My sister.
US.