Once upon this time....: My Main Bitch.

"Mom. Something is wrong with Karma." Emma told me, as I sat down with my book and my cup of coffee last night.

"WHAT!?" I looked at Karma and then Emma "WHY?" .....I don't know if you can tell by my capitalization there that I was quite concerned.

"She...she wont leave me alone. Look at her." Karma was laying on the fluffy footstool. Rather, she was laying on Emma's legs which were propped on the fluffy footstool.

"Maybe she wants your attention? Uh hello? "   But no. She was right. After observing for a minute, Karma was acting strangely.

"Did you ASK her?"

"ASK HER WHAT?"

"Um...HELLO! Karma is a genius!"   I put my cup of coffee down "Karma are you hungry?" I asked her. She turned her head at me and I squealed. (She is the cutest thing in the universe.)

But nope. She didn't run to her food bowl and sit down. Hmm.

"Karma, do you want to snuggle?" She turned her head the other way, still sitting firmly on Emma's legs. Nope. She did not run over to me and plop on the couch.

"Karma, do you have to pee?" I asked. She jumped off of the couch and ran to the door, running in circles. SO excited that someone asked her if she had to pee.

"Really?" I questioned Emma as I let Karma out. "You didn't even ask her if she has to pee? She sat on your legs for attention for Jesus sake!"

"Unnhhhhhh Now I feel bad."   I left the door not quite shut so Karma could let herself back in when she was done, which she did.

"Lets go read." I told Karma and we wandered off to my room. Karma laid at the end, making herself a perfect prop up for my book.

30 minutes later, I wandered out into the living room, a frown placed firmly on my face. Emma looked up from her computer.

In my hands was the third installment of the vampire academy books. My shoulders were slumped, my soul....RIPPED out from my vagina...or... wherever souls reside.

"Ohhhhh MY!" Emma exclaimed when she saw my face. Her eyebrows practically touched with worry in the middle of her face.

"I HAAAAAAAATE IT!" I screamed and threw the book to the ground. I then stomped on it for good measure.

"Ohhhh. No..no don't do that." Emma calmly instructed me.

Shane whipped off his headphones and laughed out loud from the left "OHHHH MYYYYYY poor mama!" I growled at him. Shane is always laughing at me.

Besides, I wasn't talking to my cuddly, funny, giant of a kid. I was talking (whining) to the one who shares my thirst of reading two novels in a working day.

"Emma!" I whined and stomped on the book once more (for good measure)

"What happened?" She knitted her eyebrows in worry and removed her own earphones in concern.

"I FORGOT that Dimitri turned Stragoi!"

"Oh. OHHHHHHH." And then she pouted with me for 15 seconds before calmly suggesting that I go into her room and pick up the next book before continuing my fit.

"Fine! but I HATE IT!" I screamed while leaving the living room.

"Okaaaay." Emma murmured and placed her earphones over her ears once more. Karma sat halfway down the hall. She hates it when I whine, and doesn't know if she should get excited or hide.

I looked at her. And she looked back, her head turned to the side like "Are you for real bitch?"
"Don't judge me!" I squealed at her and back in the living room, Emma laughed.

See. My kids are always laughing at me.

"Karma, it is time for babies to go NighNigh." I told her. She turned and ran into my room, jumped on my bed and put her head on my sleepy time Chewbacca, making him growl into the bed

"OhMYGOD you are so cuuuuuuuuuuuute! YOU are the cutest Puppy in the WORLD! Now..... move bitch, get out the way." She moved to the end of the bed and snuffed at me.

Karma is the only one who loves me.

Soon enough, I could feel myself falling asleep. "Karma." I called out.
Soon there was a snuff in my ear followed by some whiskers and warm breath.
"Turn off the light." I whispered and felt myself slip into sleep.

Soon enough a sound woke me.

I thought it might be a tweaker climbing through my window or a Zombie. They are both on the same level of danger for me.

I grabbed my murder weapon baseball bat, sat up and peered out of the window.
The rain was still falling, My berry bush was moving with the wind... tickling my windowsill. It was quite mesmerizing.

My hand released the bat at the same time the noise came again. It was from Karma. She was having a bad dream.

"Hey." I nudged her with my toe. She lifted her head and looked at me. "Don't dream about Zombies anymore. Dream of bunny rabbits and that rooster you murdered that one time."

She lay her head back down and stared at me with bloodshot eyes.

"Lets get a midnight snack." I suggested. She sat up and started walking down the hall.

Emma found me slicing cucumbers in the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"Karma had a bad dream, so we are having a snack." I grumbled. Karma yawned.

"Salad?"

"Yes EM-MAAA Salad. Karma and I are making good choices for our midnight snack."

She smirked at me "It's 9:00"

"Huh?" I questioned. Dicing avocados into the mix. Karma licked her lips as I turned to face off with my daughter. I was in the middle of a sleep eat and didn't know what she was saying.

Emma shrugged "It is 9:00. Not midnight."

"That cant be. That would imply that Karma and I fell asleep BEFORE 9:00 which would mean that we are old."

She laughed and I looked at my phone. "ITS 9:00 you old bitch!" It practically screamed at me. AND I had a text. I replied and finished my salad making.
"WHATEVES!" I yelled as Karma and I walked down the hall with our snack.

Soon enough sleep weighted my eyelids and I turned off the light. Karma looked at me. "It's time for old bitches to go nighnigh."

She jumped on the bed and promptly fell asleep.

I lay in my crisp bed with the window open and my feet warmed by my heating blanket. Naturally I fell asleep. Lulled by cool wind, the smell of rain and a warm pit bull.