The AD was placed and I closed my laptop and climbed in bed.
I have tallied the replies and placed them into categories.
My AD received a total of 63 replies (Not including the 3 I have received this morning.)
Out of the 63 replies:
9 of them were looking for long term relationships (GAG ME) and were deleted.
10 of them asked me for pictures of my Vagina and were deleted.
28 had horrible Type-o's in them or were boring and were deleted.
7 included pictures of men who were butt faced and were deleted.
1 was just a picture of an ugly cock and was (laughed at) and deleted
3 were ANGRY:
Re: Aint nobody got time for this!
So you jst want to find somebdy that you will nt have time for? That is FUKT up!
Re: Aint nobody got time for this!
YOU WOMEN THINK YOU CAN HAVE SAY OVER EVERYTHING! FUCK YOUUUUU!
Re: Aint nobody got time for this!
You are too bossy. The only reason I am even wrting is because you used the word "whilst" and it remnds me of good writing.
1 was just sooooo (too) NICE
Your ad was so humorous and you have to give me tips on how u do the 2 miles daily, wow! Is that on the treadmill or just plain walking? Lol @ 3 second plank. I was actually up to 1 minute planks 5-7 times once upon a time... Now, I am trying to get back into working out again after a long hiatus.
You seem like such a good writer, are you a teacher, in IT, or CEO of a startup who takes up these projects from time to time? What is your profession?
The "mannerism" you displayed on the ad was very welcoming, tactful, and charming. A beautiful way to entice readers to write back.
What types of things do you like to read? Seems to me you're a researcher like myself. You probably quote and give your references too (I am the same way).
What movies on netflix do you like watching? I can easily see you watching the hits from the 40s-60s with the likes of Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn in those stunning black & white movies of yesteryear.
How old are your young ones? You seem so mature for being 37! You have a good head on your shoulders and I am sure a lot of people admire and love your enthusiasm for life.
Have a superb night and sweet dreams!
1 thought I was a fan of someone and was ganking their words:
Let me guess: you're an Armstrong and Getty fan?
To which I replied....
Ummm. I have no idea who Armstrong and ghetti are, although I bet I could google them! *wink
.....and he replied.....
That cannot be. You've quoted Sweet Brown: the only ones repeating her message are Armstrong and Getty. You made reference to people so fat they don’t tie their shoes; that's straight from Vincent Nicolas's mouth. I'll bet that someone has had their radio show playing in the background. Either that or you have some extraordinary powers.
You could Google them but you'd have to be a listener to enjoy their humor and sarcasm.
Uuuuum Ooookay? I didn't re-reply. Obviously I have extraordinary powers of stealing sweet browns words. Whomever the fuck that is.
3 were reply worthy and were replied to.
The first guy was an older man who looked fun. I thought "We could hang out!" Please remember I was NOT looking to DATE. Just meet someone fun. Within a week he perved me and got a scathing reply (and deletion.)
The 2nd man was funny, happily married (so he couldn't perv me) and I enjoyed his conversation for a day. Then I was bored.
The 3rd man was HILARIOUS. I would share his email, but I feel like that would be wrong in someway. Suffice it to say, his response was well written, intelligent and interesting. BINGO. Level 1
Let me take a moment to explain my LEVEL process. Every women has one. We just call it different names.... and as for me No one really ever passes.
You see, my step process is hair triggered. It has a boobie trap or too built in. Men always get caught up on it. Because that is the way it has been designed.
SOME times it is something that my LEVELS have not been prepped for.
Back when I did date, (and I use the word date loosely) I was enjoying my time with a funny, intelligent man and theeeeeeeen I found out he shaved his armpits.
.....It was like the whole system shut down, second by second. I could hear alarms sounding and brain waves mis-firing. As I slowly backed away with a sickened smile.
Shaved armpits?
Negative Ghostrider.
But back to the funny guy.
We spent a week texting back and forth and talking on the phone and after numerous declines of coffee, I finally decided to go ahead and have a "Meeting" (Not date) with him.
It is funny how well two people can vibe until they meet in real life, and as I sat across from this incredibly attractive man a few things happened that let me know that all along and in ALL of my thought processes, I was Correct. (WHAT was I correct about?.....You'll see.)
What went wrong? Let's see...
Everyone knows that I am incredibly passionate about the GAYS. SO passionate in fact, that a lot of people think that I am a lesbian. I am not, but I have been called a lot worse things in my day so whatevs.
As we were sitting there, trying to come up with things to fill the awkward silence he brought up this subject.
"So, you have mentioned the Gays. I assume you have thoughts on this. Elaborate."
I sat there and smiled. It was like looking up at an unmovable mountain, someone who was old and set in their ways. "Yes. I am very passionate about Gay and Lesbian rights."
"Oh yeah?" he smirked
"Yeaaahhhhhhh...." My word trailed off into the same sound that the grudge makes. Simply because I didn't want to let him into my rainbow world of happiness.
Awkward silence.
"Well that's cool. You know..."
"Uh yeah. My Best friends are Lesbians, so yeah. I am kinda involved there."
"Oh yeah? Do they make out all of the time?"
"Um. Sure, about as often as anyone who has been together for 18 years does."
I let that subject fall off of the table. He was one of those people. The kind that I cant stand, who think that Gay people fuck other gay people all over the place. Like they are any different from every other person in the fucking world.
OHMYGOD...NOTHING pisses me off more.
A little later he asked if we could do an activity together.
"Suuuure?" I responded. Not overly excited
"We could do the put put golf, go to the movies, or hey! I could rent a scary movie and bring it over. You could invite the Dykes!"
I gasped. "YOU cant say that."
While laughing at something that he had said He leaned back, winked at me and said "Shhh!"
Now lets take a moment shall we? NOBODY shushes me. ALSO....I have a temper. One that is quick to flair and this guy just found my bitch button.
I took a moment to calm myself. I bit my lip, leaned forward over my clasped hands and narrowed my eyes "I don't care how tall you are, or how many muscles you have. Shush me again motherfucker, and I will bring you to your knees."
He sat back against the chair and smiled at me "God damn I am turned on!" He muttered
I however, had be irrevocably turned off.
3. THE CINCHER.
While showing him a picture on my phone he could see a preview of the next one below.
"Who is that?"
"That is Rick."
"Huh." He took a drink of his soda and gave me a look.
"What?"
"Rick huh? You have talked about him before."
"Probably because he is my friend....And?"
"Nothing. Just hmm. I think there is something there." He smirked and pointed at me and then back at the phone.
I looked at the picture again and put it in front of his face "There is. His WIFE, who is sitting right next to him in the picture!"
I sat my phone down and pushed back my coffee cup. "I am tired." I declared.
This meeting was over.
We said goodbye, he claimed his kiss that he had warned me he would get and I drove away.
I sang all the way home at the top of my lungs. Happiness bubbled in my chest.
And this is where I explain how I was right all along.
I most certainly AM happy in my life with my network of loved ones, I have people that I spend each and every day with that tease me, compliment me and tell me if I am a complete and utter asshole. We laugh together, talk shit with one another and when fucked up shit happens, we catch each other.
It is funny how well two people can vibe until they meet in real life, and as I sat across from this incredibly attractive man a few things happened that let me know that all along and in ALL of my thought processes, I was Correct. (WHAT was I correct about?.....You'll see.)
What went wrong? Let's see...
#1. My dykes
Everyone knows that I am incredibly passionate about the GAYS. SO passionate in fact, that a lot of people think that I am a lesbian. I am not, but I have been called a lot worse things in my day so whatevs.
As we were sitting there, trying to come up with things to fill the awkward silence he brought up this subject.
"So, you have mentioned the Gays. I assume you have thoughts on this. Elaborate."
I sat there and smiled. It was like looking up at an unmovable mountain, someone who was old and set in their ways. "Yes. I am very passionate about Gay and Lesbian rights."
"Oh yeah?" he smirked
"Yeaaahhhhhhh...." My word trailed off into the same sound that the grudge makes. Simply because I didn't want to let him into my rainbow world of happiness.
Awkward silence.
"Well that's cool. You know..."
"Uh yeah. My Best friends are Lesbians, so yeah. I am kinda involved there."
"Oh yeah? Do they make out all of the time?"
"Um. Sure, about as often as anyone who has been together for 18 years does."
I let that subject fall off of the table. He was one of those people. The kind that I cant stand, who think that Gay people fuck other gay people all over the place. Like they are any different from every other person in the fucking world.
OHMYGOD...NOTHING pisses me off more.
A little later he asked if we could do an activity together.
"Suuuure?" I responded. Not overly excited
"We could do the put put golf, go to the movies, or hey! I could rent a scary movie and bring it over. You could invite the Dykes!"
I gasped. "YOU cant say that."
2. THE SHUSH
While laughing at something that he had said He leaned back, winked at me and said "Shhh!"
Now lets take a moment shall we? NOBODY shushes me. ALSO....I have a temper. One that is quick to flair and this guy just found my bitch button.
I took a moment to calm myself. I bit my lip, leaned forward over my clasped hands and narrowed my eyes "I don't care how tall you are, or how many muscles you have. Shush me again motherfucker, and I will bring you to your knees."
He sat back against the chair and smiled at me "God damn I am turned on!" He muttered
I however, had be irrevocably turned off.
3. THE CINCHER.
While showing him a picture on my phone he could see a preview of the next one below.
"Who is that?"
"That is Rick."
"Huh." He took a drink of his soda and gave me a look.
"What?"
"Rick huh? You have talked about him before."
"Probably because he is my friend....And?"
"Nothing. Just hmm. I think there is something there." He smirked and pointed at me and then back at the phone.
I looked at the picture again and put it in front of his face "There is. His WIFE, who is sitting right next to him in the picture!"
I sat my phone down and pushed back my coffee cup. "I am tired." I declared.
This meeting was over.
We said goodbye, he claimed his kiss that he had warned me he would get and I drove away.
I sang all the way home at the top of my lungs. Happiness bubbled in my chest.
And this is where I explain how I was right all along.
I most certainly AM happy in my life with my network of loved ones, I have people that I spend each and every day with that tease me, compliment me and tell me if I am a complete and utter asshole. We laugh together, talk shit with one another and when fucked up shit happens, we catch each other.
That is life. It is love and it surrounds me.
