"how was your day?"

Every day I get home and my very old man asks me how my day was.

My children ask me if I had a good day, and even the hairy ex-beast asks.

My response is usually "It was a good day."
I respond that way because it would simply take too long to TRULY answer.

My day started off at 6:20 am, with the alarm screaming at me.

Coffee THEN pee....then the normal stuff around the house.

When I get to work the children hug me, I sidestep snotty noses to reach for the tissue box.
At 8:40 I am proudly shoving a piece of paper into a parents hands. The family is from France, and I had typed up and translated the letter.

She nods and smiles, and I ask if it is understandable. She said yes, and that makes me happy.

By 10'oclock I am getting shoes thrown at me. BEFORE the metal chairs but AFTER the entire cabinet of play food.

For 40 minutes I stand in homeliving and ask a 3 year old to clean up his mess, and then I will consider giving him the shoes he threw at me.

He freaks again, and starts tugging jackets off of the hangers and chucking them at my feet.
It is time to radio for backup.

I leave the child in the hands of my boss and head outside, where a little boy runs up to me, his face soaking wet. " Jacob Spit water in my face!"

He is properly agast....as am I.

"Waitaminute..." I question. "All of this water is from him spitting?!?!" I won't lie, I sorta shrieked. (Alot of times, children will stick their face INTO the water faucet..I dunno why, it's a kid thing.)


"Yes." He nods.

I call the spit child over and question him. I give him props for being honest but hint (In front of the spitee) "How would you like it if Angelo filled his mouth with water and spit it in YOUR face?!"

The kids laughs.... And nods....I sigh.

2.5 minutes later said kid's face is dripping with water, his face is shocked...I guess the spitee got the hint I dropped.

It is only 11:00.

For lunch today we served Fish sticks, brown rice, fruit medly, green beans and milk.
I hate fish, even if it is chopped up and compressed.

I cannot watch the children eat, but apparently they decide to litter my classroom floor with the rice, which is never fun to sweep.

During lunch, I sit with the children and they serve them selves. They are talking about superheros, and I piss off at least two when I mock Iron mans skills.

I raise my arm and wobble it back and forth. "See this children?"

They nod.

I whip my arm by fast, and my arm fat wobbles. "This could knock you out FLAT...I have wicked defense skills."

The four year olds look quite impressed and I am pleased.


The children settle on their cots and I sit down to TRY to think of "D" words that I can draw....but all i can think of are:


Dammit
Dingleberry
Douche
Dick
&
Divorce.

I finally settle on Diamonds, Dots, Dawn, Disneyland, Dogs and Dollars.
I quickle decorate my giant "D"s that will hang from my ceiling.

During nap (For which I am an EXTREAM nap nazi) I listen to a schoolager sing....over and over again. I "Shhhhh!!!" her until the table is covered with spittle, but to no avail.

After nap I start to give breaks, One child insists that he is not a robot boy, when I insist that he is.

He finally convinces me, by lifting up his pants and showing me that he has bones and not metal parts. I am properly impressed by this three year old and so I huff to his approval "FINE! Your not a robot boy!" and I stomp off.

I speak to 4 concerned parents, one of them the mom of the boy who hurled things at me for an hour.
I love this parent. we converse about her sons anger issues. Sierra Vista will be contacted. She is worried. I hug her and tell her "we will get through this."


During snack I write on the window separating my room from the two's. Dawn walks by and is properly impressed by my mad backwards writing skills.

At 3:30 my favorite parent comes in limping. She has a growth and will have surgery. I give her a squish and ask her to call me to help with her kids. She agree's but only after we double pinky promise.

 By 4:00 I am outside, giving breaks to two teachers. The pre-teenagers rush twords me and line up to question my magic 8 ball that I always keep in my apron.

Every single girl asks if a boy likes her, and my 8 ball is brutally honest.

10 minutes later a spelling test is shoved in my face by a ten year old. "100% MRS BEANIE!!!!!!"

I turn on my heel and get my treasure box down for her.

She is pleased, and chooses a mini notebook. He sister asks for one too. I replied "Show me the money."
She huffs..... Which makes me sorta happy.

Over the next 35 minutes I find two missing hoodies, one lost incident report, change two poopy preschoolers (just cuz I love Ginny)....and make 3 parents laugh...


Before I leave a co-teacher states that she makes better enchiladas then I do. "I must" she says "I am mexican!!!!"

I hop and huff and shake my finger. I call her a "BEAST!" and throw down the "Enchilada-off" gauntlet.

At 5:30 I pick up my honken cup of water and leave the building.

By 5:45 I am home and everyone wonders how my day was.

"It was good." I reply.

"D" Man

D-man is two and half feet tall, and three years old.
His shoes ALWAYS match his sweater vests/designer T-shirts.....And he is INCREDIBLY cute.

The first moment I met him, I looked down and said (like I do to most newbies)
"Hey...whats up? what is your name?"
He replied, with a quirk to his mouth "D-man. I do NOT talk to ugly girls..only pretty ones."
I Laughed and looked up to one of my co-teachers "Didja hear that? No ugly chicks."
She laughed and stared down at him.

You see D-Man exudes life. He radiates energy....and knowledge of entirely too much.


"So...If you don't talk to ugly chicks what do you think of me?"
I posed for him and batted my eyelashes.

"ohhhhhh YOU got pretty eyes....pretty eyes."

"I DO huh!?" This 33 year old, gushed.


"Yeah..ya do. And I will marry YOU. Miss Kelly (our cook)...she's my girlfriend because she cooks for me. But YOU...I'll marry you pretty eyes."

"Kay." I agreed and turned to get back to work.

Later I decided to quiz my hubby to be (...In....oh 27 years or so?)
"So what do you want to do with your life D-Man? What are your goals and ambitions?"

"well...." He seemed to consider it very seriously... "I wanna be like Lil Wayne. I wanna rip my shirt off and drink alcohol." He nodded twice to assure me of his seriousness.

I thought for sure I had heard him wrong. The word "Alcohol" we do not hear in the land of learning.

"Didja say Alcohol just now?"

"Yeeeeah I did. I wanna go to clubs and drink alcohol. I wanna dance and rip my shirt off..You know, Like LIL wayne."

Uh oh....I thought. This is not good.


"How in the heck do you know about alcohol?" I just had to ask. My word ...the kid is THREE!

"well my mama be drinking alcohol! She be daaaancin and laughing with her friends."

He rode off on his three wheel trike, but i quickly pulled him back.

"I'm sorry to sadden you, but you CANNOT grow up, drink alcohol and rip your shirt off."

"Whaaaaat?!" He exclaimed. (You could tell that i wicked insulted him just then.)

"Nope." I shook my head and crossed my arms.


"WHY Pretty eyes. Why you tellin me I can't be like Lil Wayne?!?!"


"Because. You are going to grow up and be a well educated Gentleman. You will go to college, get an amazing education and get a job that pays you three figures. Then you will pay all of your mommas bills."

"I am?!!!" He shouted


"You are."

"You sure, pretty eyes?"

"Perfectly sure. I know EVERYTHING...that's why I wear this wicked awesome apron."

"Awe man!" ....and he peddled away

At the beginning of this week His mom dropped him off, she was smiling. "WHAT have you done to my baby?!"

I gave her the "I dontknowwhatthehellyourtalkingaboutcrazywoman!" ...look that we perfected at Kinder care college.

"What do you mean?" I asked quite calmly

"He wakes up EVERYDAY at 6am JUST to come to school. He hated going to his other school...He loves it here."

I smiled. We hear this a lot. We ARE an amazing group of educators you know.

"Well...who can blame him. We're amazing."

She smiled and nodded. "Yes you are."

Best thing about today 9/23

Best thing about today is:

Tomorrow is Friday.

It's almost payday.

My Co-teacher will not be at work today :( .....But I will super clean our room and try to get alot done so when she comes back she will be wicked cute and squeaky... :)

I get to see my tall freckly giraffe.

The players....

I want to introduce to you all of the players in my world, so in future writing you will know exactly of whom I speak.

This is me:

My name is Laurie, but no one really calls me that. At a later date perhaps I will explain how I got the name Beanie, but that is what I go by.

I am 33 years old and the mother of two amazing children. Sometimes I am so amazed by my witty smart children that I want to start spitting kids out of my vagina like watermelon seeds, simply to populate the world with Pure Happiness.

I am single, but still stuck on my ex boyfriend who is basically a very tall ass. It doesn't matter what I do, I keep coming back to him. It sucks, but that is where that is.

I have tried to get interested in other men, but basically all men are douches.

I love rainbows, and happy earrings. I work at a child care facility and I absolutely love my job.

I drive a very lumpy car. Her name is Pearly. Right now Pearly is in my driveway sick, because...well...she cost 600 bucks and that's what happens.

This is Shane. A.K.A Foofy, The foofinator, Sonshine, or turdknuckle, (depending on my mood that day)



Shane is 15 years old, and I'm in love with him. He loves video games, Drama class and now foreign language class (He's taking Russian)

He makes me smile every day, and he has a wicked sense of humor. He is the best thing I ever did as a teenager.

This is Emma.She is 8. She loves to accessorize and she is practically a genius....(okay she is)
She is the best snuggler in the world and she loves every animal. She wants to grow up and rescue them....I told her to grow up .....and become a MODEL who rescues animals....she is still thinking about it.

I live with my ex-husband, which, is weird. But it is working, for now.
Chris was in a relationship for three years and uh.....now he's not. So i offered him our daughters pink room to shack up in until he can get on his feet.

This is my very own old man (be jealous!)
I love him. His name is Roger, but I call him Kent. This really is just a cartoon...I don't have any snapshots yet. Plus Kent is truly much happier.

He is amazing, and I hope I get to keep him forever.

My BFF is Dawn:She is very freckly, happy and tall. We have been Best Friends for like 5 years and I would DIE without her.
Dawn once hurled herself out of a window to save my daughters life. I wish i could say that she flew through the air and landed in a garbage truck with Emma curled safely in her arms, but it was just on the same level....Not as good of a story.

When she is annoyed at me, she shoves the scar on her hand in my face and kicks my shin.
(not really)

I call her my freckly Giraffe sometimes and she has the most amazing laugh....ever.

I wish that Dawn had a Penis, cuz then all of our boy problems would be solved and we'd just shack up, have 5 kids and grow old together.

As it is, we both love penises, and she loves Jesse...

I love him too. He takes care of me, because its in his job description. Everywhere we go its us three....

Sometimes Jesse and I fight over Dawns love and attention...
But then Dawn smacks us both until we love each other again.

So there ya go......The MAIN players. I will introduce others as I go along. I hope you enjoy my life. Its truly not very exciting, but for some reason people laugh at me when I speak. *shrug*

Family.

It is so sad to me that the family dinners have gone.
That I am holding new traditions with my children and my once huge family has shrunk to minuscule size?
It is sad. So sad.

Grandma and Grandpa were the center of our family. They were the bond that held us together. Just what would my life have been like without them? Where would I have gone to cry out my woes of teenage-hood.
Who else would have given me a pall mall non filter to smoke and a cup of joe to sip, if not for my grandma?

I remember the excitement that I used to get when My aunt and cousins would come up to stay. Uncle Errol would wake earlier then us all and go off to fish.

Grandma and Aunty Lois would be in the kitchen, when i woke, frying up some deliciously bad for you breakfast and grandpa would have his cribbage board on the ready....shining and whistling...ready for the next grandchild that would be his willing (or unwilling) opponent.

My cousins and I would play in the game room and make up dances to old songs. We would color or watch tv. We rarely bothered the adults..we were too busy teasing our hair or giggeling about crushes.

It was my grandmother who taught me to sew. It was my aunt who patiently bathed Shane and instructed me on the cleaning of a newborn...There on grandmas round table by the fireplace.

My nightly chat with Melanie caused us both sadness. Her grandparents were her rock as well.

Here I sit...with my teeny family. Wondering why there are no more family dinners.
My cousin and I try to keep in touch, but the family hasn't all gotten together since my fathers funeral.

Which...in itself is sad.

I find myself planning Holiday dinners with Melanie and her family, just to stretch my family arms a bit.

I watch large families together and jelousy arises inside of me.

That is what life is all about. Family. Dinners. Smiles. Laughter. Kids dancing. Kids fighting. Tears shed....only to do it again.

My family is small...but perfect. But I cannot help but want to reach my arms out and grab my sister, who i rarely talk to anymore, closer.

I want to visit my cousin and laugh with my aunt.

Ah...but time...How do we find the time?

We just do.

I will try my best, this Easter to hold a laughing, happy Easter feast. With egg hunts and all of my loved ones near. Dawn, Jesse, ma and Donald. Aunty lois and uncle Errol, Matthew and Jen. My babies. My sister. My nephew.

My normal family and my new crazy one.

As I get older. I yearn most...for family.

The single best part of my childhood.

WERK.

When I stopped working at Kinder care the one thing I missed the most was the friendship and camaraderie of my fellow teachers.

The quick chats when you can. The crazy looks through the window. The signs held up, proclaiming "I need CHOCOLATE NOW!"

We have the best teachers. Between all of us we can handle almost anything. Blood. Puke. Licensing.

It is always sad when one of our brood leaves us...but in our profession it happens. I find myself looking at my favorites and thinking "Dontleavemedontleavemedontleaveme!"

Twice a year we go to our 'professional training day' where we learn things we already know but don't have to have snot wiped on us that day, so we're cool with it.

I look around and try as I might, I cannot see any other school who has the amazing people with the FANTASTIC personalities that our center has.

We have the disciplinarian teacher. The one we threaten the naughty kids with. We also tend to think of her as the 'daddy' of the center. The male role model even though technically she has a vagina....I think. She can silence a room just by stepping in it...its sorta amazing.

We have the warmhearted cook, who sneaks sweets to the children and for the hell of it, makes pizza on Friday and buys soda for the oldest kids.

We have the jesus-y teacher, who coincidentally is my co-teacher. I can't believe how happy I am to see her everyday. I love working with her..She wears happy, strange clothes that she buys on sale everywhere, and i make her laugh and turn red at least 3 times daily.

We have the sweet, adorable preschool teacher who everyone loves to death. She has been there the longest and she is the best person to talk with when you are having a bad day. Her room always has cute things in it.

We have The way short, Ethiopian with foofy hair and a big smile. For a few weeks i would hide around corners and swipe her with my pen just to hear her get mad at me "Beeeeanie! what are you doing!" You're crazy!" Of course she has an Ethiopian accent..which..is odd but hilarious.
Sometimes she is confused about words and two weeks ago I described (in great detail) what douche was.

We have the deaf teacher who always tells the kids they are too loud. Which makes me giggle. Her heart is in her eyes and she never forgets anyone's birthday. I try to give her a hug every single day.

We have the amazingly cuckoo two's teacher, who in my opinion should be paid 25 dollars and hour. She was once my co-teacher and i love her so...altho lately her eyes have a strange glaze and i fear she is slowly losing her mind.

We have the skinny teacher who eats all of the time and always thinks the kids are sick. She is happy 99 percent of the time and we fight over who baby beanie loves most.

We have the infant teacher who can contort her face in the most strangest ways...That and she uses the word "shart" alot..which just makes everyone happy. Plus she's wicked cute.

There's the knocked up one, who people have a hard time liking...for reasons that seem sound.
I like her though, her heart is in the right place..at least twords me and she can contact like no other.

In the after noon there is the fast walking, im a teacher but ill cutcha one. She is the one teacher i can sit down with a be real. Real real...UGLY real. And she can relate. She has been there. Done that. We, as she puts it, bleed our hearts out to one another. (Thank god for her!)

There's the just married one, whose new husband (if you ask jody) shits rainbows out of his a-hole.)
crazy lady...she is sweet and she loves god...and belly button sniffers.

Then there are the office bitches...i mean bosses.
Boss number one has short hair, tattoo's that she hides under cute tops and fabulous boobs. She knows our center like no one else, and once during "circus clown" she stood on her head for my class, just to prove she could do it.
She is like a skittle. Smooshy on the inside, but harder on the out.
If you are her friend she will do most anything for you.

Boss number two is my bff.
She is tall and redheaded and happiness. She squeals with glee and orders cookie dough.
She makes sure that everyone has everything and that we have a good time coming to work each day.
She also walks around and asks the kids odd questions like "What is your take on the budget cuts?"

Together they are the power team.

And together we are the perfect center. I truly believe that. I love it. And when I have a bad day at work, GOD knows Judy will walk in and shove a chocolate bar down my apron.

Or Ginny will ask me "What ez thes dooosh?"

Or brandy will hold up a sign in her window "I lost my mind 5 minutes ago"

Or the schoolagers will be dancing to thriller

Or Deanna will say something wholesome and i will feel the need to dirty it up...just so she will blush and we will giggle.

Or Kelli will give me extra cheese in my burritos

Or Monica will take shomari from me.

Or Sherri will tell the kids they are hurting her deaf ears.

Or KB will tell an infant that she "loves her so much it makes her want to shart her pants right now"

Or Mindy will walk by eating a mountain of peas.

Or Sara will ask for the thermometer

Or Carrie will yell "I LOVE YOU BEANIE" out of the office for no apparent reason.

Or Dawn will hop across the dinosaur prints that i just put on the floor in my room.

It's just....amazing.

Belief

I love religions. I love the faith that people have in their own beliefs.
I myself cannot tell you what religion I am, or if I even have one.

I believe in God. I believe in prayer. But the tiny details...those chapters and books of the bible...I am uncertain.

I love this website because it allows you a peek into what other religions believe.
I love all of them.
I wish I could in some way be a small part of every single one.

I guess its the faith and the belief of it all that interests me.

How can any one religion be right for everyone? It cannot.
This website allows you to see how beautiful different beliefs are.

Click here to enlighten yourself.