"how was your day?"

Every day I get home and my very old man asks me how my day was.

My children ask me if I had a good day, and even the hairy ex-beast asks.

My response is usually "It was a good day."
I respond that way because it would simply take too long to TRULY answer.

My day started off at 6:20 am, with the alarm screaming at me.

Coffee THEN pee....then the normal stuff around the house.

When I get to work the children hug me, I sidestep snotty noses to reach for the tissue box.
At 8:40 I am proudly shoving a piece of paper into a parents hands. The family is from France, and I had typed up and translated the letter.

She nods and smiles, and I ask if it is understandable. She said yes, and that makes me happy.

By 10'oclock I am getting shoes thrown at me. BEFORE the metal chairs but AFTER the entire cabinet of play food.

For 40 minutes I stand in homeliving and ask a 3 year old to clean up his mess, and then I will consider giving him the shoes he threw at me.

He freaks again, and starts tugging jackets off of the hangers and chucking them at my feet.
It is time to radio for backup.

I leave the child in the hands of my boss and head outside, where a little boy runs up to me, his face soaking wet. " Jacob Spit water in my face!"

He is properly agast....as am I.

"Waitaminute..." I question. "All of this water is from him spitting?!?!" I won't lie, I sorta shrieked. (Alot of times, children will stick their face INTO the water faucet..I dunno why, it's a kid thing.)


"Yes." He nods.

I call the spit child over and question him. I give him props for being honest but hint (In front of the spitee) "How would you like it if Angelo filled his mouth with water and spit it in YOUR face?!"

The kids laughs.... And nods....I sigh.

2.5 minutes later said kid's face is dripping with water, his face is shocked...I guess the spitee got the hint I dropped.

It is only 11:00.

For lunch today we served Fish sticks, brown rice, fruit medly, green beans and milk.
I hate fish, even if it is chopped up and compressed.

I cannot watch the children eat, but apparently they decide to litter my classroom floor with the rice, which is never fun to sweep.

During lunch, I sit with the children and they serve them selves. They are talking about superheros, and I piss off at least two when I mock Iron mans skills.

I raise my arm and wobble it back and forth. "See this children?"

They nod.

I whip my arm by fast, and my arm fat wobbles. "This could knock you out FLAT...I have wicked defense skills."

The four year olds look quite impressed and I am pleased.


The children settle on their cots and I sit down to TRY to think of "D" words that I can draw....but all i can think of are:


Dammit
Dingleberry
Douche
Dick
&
Divorce.

I finally settle on Diamonds, Dots, Dawn, Disneyland, Dogs and Dollars.
I quickle decorate my giant "D"s that will hang from my ceiling.

During nap (For which I am an EXTREAM nap nazi) I listen to a schoolager sing....over and over again. I "Shhhhh!!!" her until the table is covered with spittle, but to no avail.

After nap I start to give breaks, One child insists that he is not a robot boy, when I insist that he is.

He finally convinces me, by lifting up his pants and showing me that he has bones and not metal parts. I am properly impressed by this three year old and so I huff to his approval "FINE! Your not a robot boy!" and I stomp off.

I speak to 4 concerned parents, one of them the mom of the boy who hurled things at me for an hour.
I love this parent. we converse about her sons anger issues. Sierra Vista will be contacted. She is worried. I hug her and tell her "we will get through this."


During snack I write on the window separating my room from the two's. Dawn walks by and is properly impressed by my mad backwards writing skills.

At 3:30 my favorite parent comes in limping. She has a growth and will have surgery. I give her a squish and ask her to call me to help with her kids. She agree's but only after we double pinky promise.

 By 4:00 I am outside, giving breaks to two teachers. The pre-teenagers rush twords me and line up to question my magic 8 ball that I always keep in my apron.

Every single girl asks if a boy likes her, and my 8 ball is brutally honest.

10 minutes later a spelling test is shoved in my face by a ten year old. "100% MRS BEANIE!!!!!!"

I turn on my heel and get my treasure box down for her.

She is pleased, and chooses a mini notebook. He sister asks for one too. I replied "Show me the money."
She huffs..... Which makes me sorta happy.

Over the next 35 minutes I find two missing hoodies, one lost incident report, change two poopy preschoolers (just cuz I love Ginny)....and make 3 parents laugh...


Before I leave a co-teacher states that she makes better enchiladas then I do. "I must" she says "I am mexican!!!!"

I hop and huff and shake my finger. I call her a "BEAST!" and throw down the "Enchilada-off" gauntlet.

At 5:30 I pick up my honken cup of water and leave the building.

By 5:45 I am home and everyone wonders how my day was.

"It was good." I reply.

"D" Man

D-man is two and half feet tall, and three years old.
His shoes ALWAYS match his sweater vests/designer T-shirts.....And he is INCREDIBLY cute.

The first moment I met him, I looked down and said (like I do to most newbies)
"Hey...whats up? what is your name?"
He replied, with a quirk to his mouth "D-man. I do NOT talk to ugly girls..only pretty ones."
I Laughed and looked up to one of my co-teachers "Didja hear that? No ugly chicks."
She laughed and stared down at him.

You see D-Man exudes life. He radiates energy....and knowledge of entirely too much.


"So...If you don't talk to ugly chicks what do you think of me?"
I posed for him and batted my eyelashes.

"ohhhhhh YOU got pretty eyes....pretty eyes."

"I DO huh!?" This 33 year old, gushed.


"Yeah..ya do. And I will marry YOU. Miss Kelly (our cook)...she's my girlfriend because she cooks for me. But YOU...I'll marry you pretty eyes."

"Kay." I agreed and turned to get back to work.

Later I decided to quiz my hubby to be (...In....oh 27 years or so?)
"So what do you want to do with your life D-Man? What are your goals and ambitions?"

"well...." He seemed to consider it very seriously... "I wanna be like Lil Wayne. I wanna rip my shirt off and drink alcohol." He nodded twice to assure me of his seriousness.

I thought for sure I had heard him wrong. The word "Alcohol" we do not hear in the land of learning.

"Didja say Alcohol just now?"

"Yeeeeah I did. I wanna go to clubs and drink alcohol. I wanna dance and rip my shirt off..You know, Like LIL wayne."

Uh oh....I thought. This is not good.


"How in the heck do you know about alcohol?" I just had to ask. My word ...the kid is THREE!

"well my mama be drinking alcohol! She be daaaancin and laughing with her friends."

He rode off on his three wheel trike, but i quickly pulled him back.

"I'm sorry to sadden you, but you CANNOT grow up, drink alcohol and rip your shirt off."

"Whaaaaat?!" He exclaimed. (You could tell that i wicked insulted him just then.)

"Nope." I shook my head and crossed my arms.


"WHY Pretty eyes. Why you tellin me I can't be like Lil Wayne?!?!"


"Because. You are going to grow up and be a well educated Gentleman. You will go to college, get an amazing education and get a job that pays you three figures. Then you will pay all of your mommas bills."

"I am?!!!" He shouted


"You are."

"You sure, pretty eyes?"

"Perfectly sure. I know EVERYTHING...that's why I wear this wicked awesome apron."

"Awe man!" ....and he peddled away

At the beginning of this week His mom dropped him off, she was smiling. "WHAT have you done to my baby?!"

I gave her the "I dontknowwhatthehellyourtalkingaboutcrazywoman!" ...look that we perfected at Kinder care college.

"What do you mean?" I asked quite calmly

"He wakes up EVERYDAY at 6am JUST to come to school. He hated going to his other school...He loves it here."

I smiled. We hear this a lot. We ARE an amazing group of educators you know.

"Well...who can blame him. We're amazing."

She smiled and nodded. "Yes you are."

Best thing about today 9/23

Best thing about today is:

Tomorrow is Friday.

It's almost payday.

My Co-teacher will not be at work today :( .....But I will super clean our room and try to get alot done so when she comes back she will be wicked cute and squeaky... :)

I get to see my tall freckly giraffe.

The players....

I want to introduce to you all of the players in my world, so in future writing you will know exactly of whom I speak.

This is me:

My name is Laurie, but no one really calls me that. At a later date perhaps I will explain how I got the name Beanie, but that is what I go by.

I am 33 years old and the mother of two amazing children. Sometimes I am so amazed by my witty smart children that I want to start spitting kids out of my vagina like watermelon seeds, simply to populate the world with Pure Happiness.

I am single, but still stuck on my ex boyfriend who is basically a very tall ass. It doesn't matter what I do, I keep coming back to him. It sucks, but that is where that is.

I have tried to get interested in other men, but basically all men are douches.

I love rainbows, and happy earrings. I work at a child care facility and I absolutely love my job.

I drive a very lumpy car. Her name is Pearly. Right now Pearly is in my driveway sick, because...well...she cost 600 bucks and that's what happens.

This is Shane. A.K.A Foofy, The foofinator, Sonshine, or turdknuckle, (depending on my mood that day)



Shane is 15 years old, and I'm in love with him. He loves video games, Drama class and now foreign language class (He's taking Russian)

He makes me smile every day, and he has a wicked sense of humor. He is the best thing I ever did as a teenager.

This is Emma.She is 8. She loves to accessorize and she is practically a genius....(okay she is)
She is the best snuggler in the world and she loves every animal. She wants to grow up and rescue them....I told her to grow up .....and become a MODEL who rescues animals....she is still thinking about it.

I live with my ex-husband, which, is weird. But it is working, for now.
Chris was in a relationship for three years and uh.....now he's not. So i offered him our daughters pink room to shack up in until he can get on his feet.

This is my very own old man (be jealous!)
I love him. His name is Roger, but I call him Kent. This really is just a cartoon...I don't have any snapshots yet. Plus Kent is truly much happier.

He is amazing, and I hope I get to keep him forever.

My BFF is Dawn:She is very freckly, happy and tall. We have been Best Friends for like 5 years and I would DIE without her.
Dawn once hurled herself out of a window to save my daughters life. I wish i could say that she flew through the air and landed in a garbage truck with Emma curled safely in her arms, but it was just on the same level....Not as good of a story.

When she is annoyed at me, she shoves the scar on her hand in my face and kicks my shin.
(not really)

I call her my freckly Giraffe sometimes and she has the most amazing laugh....ever.

I wish that Dawn had a Penis, cuz then all of our boy problems would be solved and we'd just shack up, have 5 kids and grow old together.

As it is, we both love penises, and she loves Jesse...

I love him too. He takes care of me, because its in his job description. Everywhere we go its us three....

Sometimes Jesse and I fight over Dawns love and attention...
But then Dawn smacks us both until we love each other again.

So there ya go......The MAIN players. I will introduce others as I go along. I hope you enjoy my life. Its truly not very exciting, but for some reason people laugh at me when I speak. *shrug*