Don't look at me.

" I just can't look at you." A parent said to me today.

I responded by nodding and blinking back tears. " I can't look at you either...." 


Tomorrow is my last day with the Pre-K class that I started with at Buhach Preschool.

I want to cry and snot and hold my little beasts close. I want to wipe my snot in their hair and have then scream in disgust.

I want to take out my rubber chicken and tell them I am going to beat them with it.

I will probably do all of that but the snot rubbing. That may piss off my kids.

I remember my stomach turning with nervous, meeting them the first day. I remember thinking that there was NO way that I could love these kids, the way that I loved my babies back at KincerCare.

My class was small when I first started. About 10.  These I call my OG Pre-K'ers.

THEY will throw me my shoes when a tour is walking up my porch. Because 80% of the time I teach shoeless.

THEY will know what I mean when I am about to talk to a parent and I walk over to them and say "Nose?" ....They will answer Yes or No. And this, or course, is a booger check.

THEY will lay beside me on the floor of my class, our heads touching, while we discuss where the cracks in the ceiling came from.

THEY will march on our porch with me and sing the "Mr.Juan is old song."

THEY will sing "We will rock you" with me, while standing in line to pee.

 THEY will sing the "I love Gordie" song to Jorden through the crack in my wall.

This afternoon when a mom came and picked up her son, She immediately started to cry. "I just am so happy you came here Beanie...It's going to be okay, right? We will be okay....just...I cannot look at you right now."  And she put on her glasses, whispered "see you...for tomorrow..." and walked out.

I do not know if these kids have had a teacher who honestly LOVES them. Who worries about their first day of kindergarten and if they have slept properly the night before. Who misses them when they are absent and loves to give them squeezies every day.

I KNOW that we will all be okay, but regardless...tomorrow I will cry... I will miss them come Monday and I will never ever forget them.

This morning I.....

5:30 am...

This morning I froze butt nakid at the end of my bed with one leg up. my arm over my face fat flying EVERYwhere...

For some reason I felt that Jorden was a T-Rex and that If I did not move...he would NOT see me.

This did not work, and soon enough I was tucked next to him in bed, pretending that I was asleep ALL ALONG and that I had accidently gotten nekid and showered.
He tucked himself against me and burrowed his hand in my hair. Like "Yeah bitch. That is what I thought"

 6:00 am... 

This morning I Cheered on Jorden while he pee pee'd in the potty. It was a complete accident, and it scared the fuck out of himself, but I still did the "Wee Wee" dance for him. It is a wicked awesome dance....just ask baby.

 6:25 am...

This morning, while applying my mascara, I noticed Jorden (who was in the bath) stand up...look down and omit a battle cry while he swung his backscrubber at something in the water.

I interrupted just in time.

It was poo. And he was about to beat the.....shit....out of it.

6:30 am...

This morning I gagged while I shoveled corny poop, from the bathroom to the toilet. Jorden cheered me on all the while saying "Bye bye poo poo!!!!" and waving furiously.


This morning I chased a nakid baby, who was chasing Karma and yelling "Kargo! Kargo!"  Karma tore across the bed and stepped on Emmas hair. Emma didn't flinch.



And then it turned 7:00