Life advice to my daughter.

Now that my daughter is reaching the precipice of teenage-dom, I feel that it is important for her that I pass on experienced and jaded knowledge of the dating world, life and everything else.

(I have never felt so old as when plotting this Blog.)

RULE #1:

WAIT for a man like THAT

While watching Unbreakable, an amazing movie By the way, The only thing that kept going through my mind and I kept sputtering through my mouth was "Why don't they make men like THAT anymore?"

Men who were stranded on a raft after their plane went down WHIST serving their country.

Men who were STRANDED on a raft, who were hungry so they worked together to catch a FUCKING shark by the tale and kill it by punching it in the head.

Two men survived 47 days on the raft catching birds and punching sharks and dodging Japanese air raids.

Of course they did.

I feel like most men today would die after 2 days in a heap on the floor clutching their water logged cell phone to their chest and crying about no cell towers in the ocean.

As the credits rolled I looked over at Emma with a smile on my face and said "Emma, Wait for a man like that."

RULE #2

IF A MAN CALLS YOU BAE PUNCH HIM IN HIS THROAT

(or balls)

No explanations necessary.
If you are older then 13 and you say the word Bae in your daily life you better be talking about going to the ocean and watching the fucking whales in the Bay.

RULE #3

DO YOU

There is no one in this entire world as important as you are. Travel, make friends and mistakes. Work on becoming a fully realized woman. Don't set your self up to settle down.
There is plenty of time to relationship.

RULE #4

Make friends and invest in them.

Friendships are uber important in your life journey. If you have good friends, you are never lonely and are rarely allowed to be grumpy. Friendships are a relationship. You have good times and you have bad times.

You fight and then make up.

Don't give up on your friends. Especially when you get in a relationship.
Understand that when your friends are in relationships you are as well. You will rarely get to be alone with your friend anymore. It is a process. Accept it, and whatever loser or winner they fall in love with.

RULE #5

Know your worth.

The problem with most of the dating world is that it is lazier then ever before. You go out on one date and that means you sleep together.
Uh hello? Are you ganna give your vagina away for a $25.00 pasta plate?
NO THANK YOU.
Be the kind of woman that is worth it. Know your value and act like a lady.

RULE #6

Be strong.

Sometimes life is incredibly hard. Find something to look forward too.

Love the people who are good to you, know your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

Always strive to do things in life with your whole soul.

Look people in the eyes when you talk to them and give firm handshakes.

Speak clearly and decisively, Make your voice heard.

Fight for what you believe in, even if it is unpopular. ESPECIALLY if it is unpopular.

Ask for what you want and fight for it.

Fight for others who have no voice.

Be different, be unique and celebrate it.

RULE #7

Be a secret keeper.

Other peoples stories are not yours to tell.  Keep information to yourself. Ladies don't gossip about their friends. They are a safe place, a keeper of secrets.

RULE #7

Be honest.

Liars are ugly. Nobody likes them and they have poor soul hygiene. Also, they cannot be trusted. exaggeration is another form of lying....that is ugly too.

RULE #8

Read the Bible.

Even if you are wicked old when you do, at some point in your life, read it cover to cover. Inside of it there Is wisdom, forgiveness, life lessons and most importantly LOVE.

RULE #9

Don't be a dick.

And if you do, apologize.

There is no weakness in admitting your dick-dom. Only strength of every relationship. Friendship, husband or co-worker.
Be nice to people, forgive when asked and always love people back.

RULE #10

Nobody loves you MORE then I do.

They may claim to love you as MUCH, (not possible) but nobody in this whole wild world will ever love you MORE then I do.
Not your husband, your lover, your children or your bestie.

I will be there for you in every success and in every failure. I will wipe your tears and push your chin up. I will be proud of you, no matter what and I will always be your biggest fan.

Preschool Teacher on a soapbox.

To whom it may concern,

I am a Teacher.

I am NOT a Daycare worker.

The curriculum that I TEACH is researched, planned, written and executed with care and individual thoughtfulness.

My goal as a TEACHER is to provide an atmosphere filled with LOVE, routine and challenging thought processes.

At the beginning of the year my students learn how to properly hold a pencil, are given activities and tests that exercise their fine motor skills and by the end of the year, they are writing words that they have sounded out with said pencil.

They are learning literacy skills, sentence structuring and money value.

They are learning how to tell stories from the beginning and finish them at the end. But those things are FAR from the most important things to me.

I teach children MANNERS, such as raising their hands before speaking, asking to be excused from the table, waiting quietly and with patience when an adult is speaking.

I teach children KINDNESS, such as standing up for one another, helping a child who is hurt or sad and complimenting others on their actions (or cute shoes)

I teach children HONESTY, and that they can trust us with their story, information and heart.

I follow through when I say something, because it is part of my job as a leader to teach your children that adults are trustworthy, honest and can be trusted themselves.

Children are special and unique. Each one requires something different from their teacher.
I am silly when I can be and strict when I have to be.

I am not stuck in a teaching rut, I do not HAVE to be a Pre-K teacher. I want to be one.
I have considered what it would be like to work in a school district. And I cringe every time.

One of my school-agers brought home a referral from his school yesterday:


"Ms.Beanie, I have a note." He said miserably foreseeing written letters of apology and video game groundation.

I gave him a stern look, shook my head and began to read it.

"___________  splashed in puddles and stood beneath the water dripping off of the building, even when I warned the entire class beforehand."

I just stared at it for a moment before putting the note away.

"DO I have to write an apology letter Ms.Beanie?"

"Not today love." I replied

Later I stepped outside of the classroom to talk to his mom. " He got a referral today, Please read it. I want to follow through with discipline so I kept him off of the video games, however I did not make him write an apology letter for it."

She read the note and her eyebrows raised before looking back at me. "He's a kid!"

"He's a number." I said to myself.


I would fail miserably in the school district. I would hop in puddles and decorate the walls with paint splatter.

That being said, I do appreciate job offers. Thank you for thinking that I am amazing.

However, I do NOT appreciate being told that I deserve better. Because I as far as I am concerned, I travel an hour a day simply to work at the BEST.
With the BEST teachers and the BEST leader.

(And thank you Jesus, we have a long waiting list to prove it.)

When people have a passion for painting it is an amazing talent.
When you have a passion for Preschool it is considered a step below teaching.

This is untrue.

Preschool is IMPORTANT.
It is a valuable step in the development of a healthy and well rounded individual.

When we TEACH your child, we think about what values need to be instilled into them. Each and every one of them and as a TEAM we work together to provide it, while cultivating your child's need for magic, natural consequences and happy memories.

Some of these skills are invisible and cannot be written on their daily notes.
Can you imagine?

Daily activities:

 I learned how to stop being an asshole.

Today I learned to use my words instead of my fists to communicate. Also I stopped eating my boogers for dessert.

Today I learned that when Ms.Beanie says it is cold outside, I should PROBABLY grab my jacket.

Today I had to complete my work three times, until I have Ms.Beanie the kind of work that she expects from me.


It is my pleasure and indeed honor to have a small say in what kind of human being your child becomes.

Know that when WE as Preschool teachers say we love your child, we MEAN it.
We worry, hope and pray for them.
When they leave our classrooms we MISS them, think of them and sometimes cry because of it.

Penis.

I say the word penis, on average, at least 20 times a day.

"Don't kick people in the Penis."

"Put your penis away!"

"Are you rubbing your penis on my table?"

"We don't color our penises."

"Nobody wants to see your penis."

"Is something wrong with your penis? No? Then stop squeezing it, I'm sure your mother wants grandchildren someday."

You know, the norm.

Yesterday I rang my bell and made a lofty announcement " I am speaking to the boys. Please keep your feet, hands, crayons and elbows off of your own OR each others penises. We do not punch, hit, stare or even speak to another persons penis. I am tired of SAYING the word penis. If I say penis one more time to anyone in the WORLD, I will sell you. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Ms.Beanie."

The boys all answered (and tried not to laugh)
Everything was going well until the one little boy, who couldn't help it whispered "Peeeeniissss"
to the great enjoyment of every single boy in my classroom.

My head fell back and I sighed before going into full whale breathing.

*Breathing like a whale makes you feel calmer, instantly...try it.

I chose to ignore the penis whisperer and decided to take the high road of brow furrows and tight lips.
That never lasts long with me, especially when another child tells the penis whisperer that he was going to be sold soon.