I stumbled out of bed this morning and reached for my can.
Shit.
It was empty...... EMPTY!
(In my mind I sounded EXACTLY like chewbacca right then.)
I looked at Karma who was at my feet. My eyes were bleary..I would rub and rub but alas, this blearyness is a side effect (I am SURE) to the empty can, now clutched to my chest.
"Karma. WHY is the rum always gone?" I asked in a bad.... BAAAAAAD Jack sparrow accent.
Karma did not know, hence she flopped onto her back and proceeded to try and itch it on my kitchen floor.
I stared at her, I swear for 3 minutes straight....or...maybe I fell back asleep...I dunno.
"Oh no." I whispered to the quiet house with two sleeping children inside. "I'm ganna have to go out and get more."
I threw on clothes that I found in random places, covered my top side with a jacket of some sort and left the house.
It was foggy. I kept blinking my eyes, because I figured something was wrong with them. But no....Fog.
I started the car and squinched down in the seat, Regina Spektor sang on the radio about ball eyes and lip mouths and I sang with her. Waiting impatiently for my windows to defrost enough to drive. I contemplated walking, but...fuck that.
Finally!!! I had exactly 3 inches of window that I could see out of, and I put it in reverse. Muttering to myself that I almost had it...be patient.
It was only a block away. As I parked I noticed a man standing outside the building, three feet away. I did not care.
He approached me and I growled at him.
"Hey!" He said. Oh my god he was SO offended, and I paused...."Did that growl sound like chewbacca to you?" I asked. My throat harsh with just woken upiness.
"No." He scowled.
I growled again and pushed past him to go inside. It was warmer there, so I didn't have to clutch my jacket around my body.
I stood on the welcome mat and blinked my eyes.
I rubbed my eyes.
I looked around.
I threw my head back and moaned...
"I Neeeeeeeeeeed coffeeeeeeeee!"
I whined to anybody who would listen.
"Oh my god!" The lady behind the counter said. She came around and walked me over to the coffee place. "Here!"
"But...but...I don't want that one. That one is stupid I dont like it."
She laughed.
I pointed to the coffee that had a sign on it OUT OF ORDER!!!! It proclaimed.
That out of order sign practically bitch slapped me. Im just sayin.
"I want that one, but that one is gone. It is all gone and that one is all i waaaaaaaaaant."
She laughed again and shook her head "That one is fine."
"But...there is a sign."
"Ignore the sign. I make it. It is good."
I pushed back my hood, and grabbed a big honken cup. I started filling it. The lady stood there next to me....I dunno why. "Do I look pretty?" I asked.
Her eyes slid over my fucked up hair, with three bobby pins shooting up from my scalp, my running eyemakeup, and my clothing.
I looked down.
I wore Shanes fleece superman pajammas. The legs were two feet two long, so I was walking on them. I wore a bright green polkadot shirt, and an old Bobby Jack hoodie. I dont even know where it came from.
"Yes...you do." and she walked off.
I don't know WHY I ask people that all of the time, when I KNOW I look like hell on two fleeced legs, but I always do.
I guess I am waiting for someone to tell me the truth.
No one ever does, except Brandee.
But she is mean and plus a bully.
My cup was full and I sugared it and creamed it. I stuck a straw in the top and sucked back an inch of it.
I sighed.
I am addicted.
At the register the lady was laughing at me.
"Did Shane get a part in the play?" She asked while she rung me up
"Yes...your son?" I said around the straw in my mouth.
She nodded.
I have been coming to this store since Shanes first day of Kindergarten. We use to get a slurpee every day. Now he is a senior in highschool. Im old and I know, NOT CUTE when I first get up.
I leave the store and the man is still standing by my car.
I open the door with my hand, but push it open with my body, whining the whole time. "ooooooopen!" I say to the hunk of metal.
It does.
I drive home, and Karma greets me at the door. I think she has figured out why the run is always gone.
