A letter to Jenny...

The very first memory that I have, in my entire life, Is of Jenny.

We were about 2, and while playing in my grandmother’s bedroom, we came across her bright red lipstick.

I remember the sun shining through the window.

I remember the drapes moving with the wind

 

…….and I remember Jenny........ Laughing at me and becoming my MIRROR in our fun game of “Let’s be grandma”

Jenny and I never understood why we got into so much trouble when grandma finally saw our masterpiece smeared onto our bodies.

 

As we grew up Jenny and I became the other ones safe place. We were like long lost twins reunited once again.

We couldn’t WAIT for family visits and we would lay in bed, side by side and catch each other up on our important life events.

 

Our first kisses, periods, perms.

We had secret words that we made up so that we could talk to each other without Cyndi and Brian understanding, because they were the "enemy."

We were CONVINCED that we were traded at birth and in OUR reality WE were actually sisters…our parents had it all wrong. They called us the Boppsy twins.
 

I tagged along to Jenny’s softball games, she endured the WILD that was Don Pedro.

Jenny and I grew up sharing secrets, dressing up and lip singing with our siblings. We had a secret hand shake and pink promised EVERYTHING.

She pissed me off by gleeking into my face.

I pissed her off by pretending that I didn’t care.

 

When I had my son, Jenny was there. She held my hand, scared to DEATH and muttered “ Dude…This all doesn’t look right”

When Jenny had baby Shaun, she insisted that “This is what I was made for.”

When Jenny had Tyler, it just confirmed it.

And when Jenny was pregnant with Maddy, her wish upon a star, her dream come true….She cried happy tears.

Her sons were her pride and joy, but she always wished for a girl.

When she was 7 months pregnant we had an appointment for a 3 D ultrasound. We walked into this fancy shmancy massage place.

It was quiet. It was Zen.

It was a place that Jenny and I had no business being in.

She lay down on a heated leather recliner, and I squished next to her on the floor. I was SO EXCITED. Jenny was SO EXCITED. Aunty Lois was SO EXCITED.

The ultrasound lady warned us that people were in the next room having massages, and that it was important to keep the atmosphere relaxed….. and ……calm.

Again, ….THIS WAS a place that Jenny and I had no business being in.

We tried.

I squished my lips shut with my hand and tucked into a ball on the floor. My heart was beating SO hard, and without even facing me or looking my direction Jenny told me “RELAX CUZ…REEEELAX.”

When the technician announced that it was a GIRL, I screamed through my fingers and shot to my feet.

Did I fist pump?? Yes I did.

Jenny laughed at me and tried to shush me. But through her shush, were her tears...

 

When Jenny was in the hospital last week, I walked in with Michelle Green.

We clasped hands and I could feel her body tremble. Some of The first words that Michelle said were “Ah. That laugh tho” And she shook her head.

That is what she said.

That laugh.

It was unique, it was organic. It had a life all of its own.

Jenny was a life force.

When Jenny came to visit me a few months back, we sat on my front porch smoking, drinking coffee and talking about Family. It never mattered to her what fights were happening in the family. SHE could talk badly, but so help ANYONE who said ANYTHING negative about her cousin, her brothers or her parents.

I double pinky promised that I would NEVER repeat this, but just this once, I think she wouldn’t mind.

She said to me about her brothers “ Don’t ever tell them Cousin, but It doesn’t matter what happens in life or how old we get, Matthew will always be my best friend, and Brian will always be my hero.”

 

I love you cuz and when it is my time to go, I hope you are there greeting me with that laugh.