I was stuck.
I was smiling at my hostess for the evening and I was stuck.
My left heel was 'balls deep' in her soft green grass.
I had tried to walk around the grass because I consider it rude to walk on peoples lawn, however there were so many cars squished in the driveway, there was no room for my fat let alone my rolly bag.
*disclaimer: This Blog is not about any ONE of my passion parties. This blog is about MANY of them. There will be no names, or places described.
"HIIIII! I am so excited! Do you need help?" She squealed at me.
I love it when my hostesses are excited. It makes it so much easier to stand in front of them and talk about Anal sex.
"No..No I am fine!" I insist and I push against my rolly bag. I hide my foot behind my bag and grasp the toe of my fabulous red heel with my OTHER toes.... and pull up.
RULE #1 of a Passionista:
Always act professional
I do this while smiling very brightly and chatting about the party. (I am hoping that if she is consumed by my perfectly applied red lipstick, then she wont look down.)
It works and I am free.
RULE #2:
Wear Red lipstick
(It seems to get you out of a bind)
I tiptoe the rest of the way to the door. I am happy because my hostess is excited. This is always good. This always means I will want her to get even MORE free goodies.
*********
After I set up I notice that during my 45 minute drive, my SPANX have become un-glued to my fat. I keep wanting to pull them up, and the crotch has fallen almost to my knees.
I bite my lip and ask the hostess if I may use the restroom. I don't usually Pee at my parties.
I don't pee, I don't eat and I don't drink.
It is a sticky situation to have $1000's of dollars of vibrating goodness just sitting on a table. Ready for the plucking.
It sounds bad. But it happens. I HAVE been stolen from.
I look around the room, pass over the shy woman holding her purse to her chest and spot the most tattooed girl there. She has pink hair and pierced cheeks. She looks the most trust worthy to me. "Excuse me. can you do me a favor?"
"OF COURSE!"
"Will you baby sit my dongs while I use the restroom? They get lonely."
"Shit yeah I will." She stands up and walks to my table.
I show her my masturbation sleeve. "DO you have any idea what this is?" I ask
"Nope!" She replies
"Good. Give your best Demonstration of what you THINK it could be and you get a baby sitter discount! I will be out in 2 minutes!
In the bathroom I lift my dress and Hike my spanks up to the proper position. Right beneath my boobs.
I pant and grunt and while I do my heels are making clicking sounds as I lift my right leg and then my left.
I stare at myself in the mirror and then I laugh.
As I laugh, snot flies onto the mirror.
I sigh, clean the mirror and replace my dress.
As I walk out to the living room I hear the girl yelling at her friends...
"Back BACK you bitches! Come any closer to this table and Ill smack you with this here limp baby elephant penis!"
****
"What are you..a FREAK?" A pouty woman says to me.
I immediately feel myself get riled up. I am a Leo.....
I am a Leo who is Portuguese...Put them together and you can have some "bitch flair ups"
I calm myself down and smile at her while holding my plush bendy vibe in my hand.
At the moment I am fitting a C-ring onto it.
She looks at the Vibrator that I just lubed up and her eyebrow goes up.
"Excuse me?" I say in my sweetest voice
RULE#3:
Act like a Lady while slinging dildos
"Are you a FREAK or something? I mean you have all of this stuff."
I smile at her and continue fitting the cock ring around the Bendable Vibe. "I have all of this stuff because I sell it." I answer "Also, me being a 'FREAK' just depends."
She snorts and sits forward "It depends on what?"
I smile at her "Tell you what.... MY secrets start spilling when YOURS do honey. Tell me, do you like being choked during sex?"
She gasped.
She sputtered....She gasped again.
I smiled at her "Sounds like you have gagging problems. I have a cream for that!" I say, and turn to begin the demonstration of the C-ring.
RULE#4:
Move forward...or....Just keep slinging
"Will you give this to me?" A girl asks. She is holding up my orange crèmesicle tasty massage.
"Sure." I respond
"You WILL!?" (She is so happy)
"Yep. As soon as you give ME your credit card. We can go ahead and process that for you."
I smile and wait..She sits back, rejected by -Lo
RULE#5
Be Patient ...or...They don't understand this
shit costs you money too.
I am nearing the end of an event. I am at the LELO toys. And If you know anything about Lelo toys, you know that they are the curtain closer, the GRAND vibrating Finale.
I am demonstrating the Soraya when a woman walks in.
She is 3 hours late.
She apologizes and sits down.
She smiles at me and asks to see demonstrations of the things that she has missed.
I smile back at her, welcome her to the party and ask when she would like to schedule her party to see the Demos for herself.
She frowns.
RULE #6
Just say NO (but do it politely)
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