I pissed my pants today....

It was the end of the day.

I had just came into the twos room at work and surveyed the damage.
Not bad. Soft rainbow colored rings scattered the floor and clear bouncy balls littered there as well.

I walked amongst the children and picked up a clipboard. As I was checking children off, movement caught my attention.

It was Nico.

He was sitting in a chair, quite quietly...QUITE well behaved. I watched him for a moment and said across the room. "Nico. Come gimmie a squish."

"No." He muttered. His body tensing slightly.

"Nico...I can't hear you....come closer." I whispered, holding my hand up to my ear.

He laughed "No Mrs. Beanie, you'll get me."

Dammit. After a year of using that excuse, someone caught on.

"Gimmie a SQUISH!" I hollered now.

He giggled and stood up.

This was all a game you see. One that has happened every day since I fell in love with his fat squishy cheeks and his attitude.

"Gimmie a squish or Ill eat your entire face off." I whispered

And off he went. Running around the room, which was always ALWAYS off limits.
I took off after him like a shot growling and snorting and shouting "I will chew your cheeks!"

"No!" He giggled

"I will bite off your nose and poop it out and give you a poop nose!"

He paused to laugh hard, fart twice and then he was off again "You cannot catch me!"
He was right......I'm old.

I'm old AND I'm fat.

But I don't give up. I chased him and chased him and figured that he had an unfair advantage over me. He was 33 years younger and so in my mind, I deserved to use whatever means necessary to get my squish.

While running and hoping over various toys (and children) that were in my way, I leaned down and scooped up an armful of soft squishy rainbow rings.

(In my mind, I looked uber cool. Like a preschool matrix bitch. But instead of a black leather jacket flapping behind me, there was an apron.)

"AHA!" I stomped, planted my feet and frisbee'd  all 7 rings across the room. All 7 hit my target. "I got you I got you!"

I screamed. "I'm practically JUST like THOR!"
I hopped.
I looked around for witnesses, since I am the worlds WORSE target maker in the world. No matter what it is. The garbage....Juans head....I ALWAYS MISS.

"Nu-uh!" He giggled and took off running again "You did not get me!"

"I did I did!" I insisted and picked up three balls. I tossed them across the room and two of them landed.

"I did get you!" I stomped my foot and laughed so hard....that I pissed my pants.

It was then that I noticed Nicos dad leaning against the door. I stood up quickly, swiped back the hair that was flying around my sweaty face and approached him calmly.

He smiled shook his head and looked at his son "Nico!.....you couldn't even DUCK?"

He giggled "Hiiiii dad!" he ran to him, keeping his distance from my grasp.

"You gatta DUCK son. You know? Ducking?"

"This was not my fault." I insisted

"Mmmhmmm"

"So um. If Nico throws things in class tomorrow and gets in trouble, I just want you to know I'm blaming someone else."

He smiled. Coming from the teacher that had to approach him in the past about
1) Hanging his son from a tree
2) His son peeing in a bush when he was potty training
3) The time that Nico thought peeing in the bush meant pooping there as well.

I don't think he was too surprised. But as he walked away with Nico, I could hear him giving him tips on the age old art form of ducking.