Poop eye...

On Tuesday of the week before last, it felt like there was something in my eyeball. The left one. The BELLSPALSY one.

I kept blinking and squinting and bending low to ask my children if they saw something floating about in it.

"Nope."


"Yep. I see your eye Mrs. Beanie."


" What exactly should I be looking for here?..."

When I got home, I took my eye wash that I own and flushed my eye with it. (It felt real real good.) but alas. My eye still scritched and scratched.

SOMEtimes, when I am over tired, my bells palsy eye will get sorta dry. I can't explain it. When it happens. I just basically have to moisten it or go to bed.

Wednesday: when I woke up. My eye was swollen and it would not open so I pried it open. My eyeball was red. It was crusty. "Fuck" I murmured to my reflection.

I texted my boss: "Brandee farted on my pillow...either that or a ghost punched my eyeball while I slept. I cannot come into work."

I felt fucking ridiculous missing out on work because of a fucking eyeball, but if it WAS pink eye. It is contagious.

I called my sister, asked her to google 'pink eye remedies' and picked up something at Walgreens. I wasn't concerned. I just knew that this would go away soon.

Mandy brought me medicine that day. She woke me up while I was in bed and gave it to me. Standard pink eye prescription.


Thursday: I wake up and run to the mirror. SURE that my eye will miraculously be better. I have medicine now!


Nope.
Fuck no.

It is worse.

My eye is swollen and red andblahhhhhh.

I want to cry. But I call out instead. I spend the day in my bed with an icepack firmly attached to my face.

FRIDAY: (Otherwise known as Wear ANYTHING you want day) Otherwise OTHERWISE known as, the day beanie can feel her soul is free because she gets to wear what she wants and feel like a damn princess at work....but i digress...

....My eye was glued shut. And if there any lid to my eye before...now it was gone.
I wanted to cry, but I doubt that would help.

I called everyone I could and told them that Brandee ruined my life because she farted in my eye with her gigantic booty. Everyone was aware that this was ALL HER FAULT.

My eye now hurt and I fisted gigantic baggies of ice into my eye all damn day long. (I automatically feel like ice makes everything better.)

I tripped over EVERYTHING. I ran into the walls. and by this point I had not seen Jordan for 4 days.
By now Beanie was pissed. My eye ball....really??? regardless, I made it over to pick up Jordan. 4 days is too many days for me....

SATURDAY:     It's bad. Now it is seeping. My undereye is so swollen, I now look like I have a Goddamn pussy for an eye.

This is the day of the huge rummage sale...I slap on some glasses. I go and start to help set up. Each time I bend over, my eye POURS out...i dunno...something gross.

My entire face is swollen now, and to be honest, I'm freaked out because it's my palsy side. And anything that happens on that side, just freaks me out.

Brandee shows up and takes a look at my eye. Which is swollen shut and leaking. I put my glasses back on my face and try to seperate clothing.


"I reeeeeally want you to go to the hospital Beanie."


"Noooo. I'm fine." I lift my glasses "Don't you think it looks a teeny bit better?"

"No. No I don't"

I figure hey. Maybe this moving around is leaking out the bad stuff. Ill walk it off. Yeah. that's it!
Soon I realize the futility in this. I'm exhausted. My face hurts. My eye hurts. Something is wrong.

I agree to go, only if Mandy goes too, and makes sure everyone is nice to me at the hospital, because I have no insurance.

We leave. Pick up Mandy and head in. The staff at Memorial medical center were indeed, very nice.

We sat in the waiting room. Brandee on her phone, Mandy on her ipad thingy, and me wiping my eye with a towel that I kept in a ziplock. I kept making Mandy look at me "Mandy, am I still beautiful?"

"Yes. Beanie, you are always beautiful."

I knew she was lying because my eyeball had turned into a cunt. But then again. She is a lesbian. Maybe they go for seeping cunt eyes. But I knew, she just loves me and wants me happy. So everytime I asked, she would tell me yes.

You know it's bad, when the doctor walks in and says "I'm sorry that I am staring." and then snaps a photo of your face....I'm just saying.

When they numbed my eye I was scared. When he UV lighted it, making brandee hold the light. It kinda freaked me out. When he scraped my eyeball with a q-tip thingy, I went to my happy place.

One that DIDN'T involve cunt eye or Uv lights. One where penises were swinging around and talking to me. Dancing and hopping on their soft squishy ball feets.

Soon it as over, and the doctor proclaimed that I have never had pink eye at all. I had scratched my cornea and then had an allergic reaction to my drops. He said I would get a shot of antibiotics, some steroids and a better eye cream.

I was relieved.

Mandy rubbed my arm while the nurse put a shot in my buttocks.

And on Monday I went to work. My eye had reopened but I couldn't make up it. I was barefaced Beanie, and I scared my children I think. They all said they wanted to see my pink eye. Because Mr.Juan said I didn't never ever wash my hands after I went to the bathroom and so I have poopeye.

I wanted to kick him.

By Tuesday I could wear light makeup.

By Wednesday I was good to go.

Now I am always scared of something getting lodged in my eyeball. Sand, weeds.... testicles.

So I have decided to wear sunglasses every day for the rest of my life.