"Do you think you will ever be happy again...with him?"
"No."
"What's the point of it all then?"
"I don't know."
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"Do you still love her?"
"Yeah. It is different though."
"Do you like her?"
"Hell no. Can't stand her."
"So when you say you love her you mean....?"
"I have too."
"Why?"
"She's my wife"
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"It's like everything starts out so wonderful. You see each other when you want and go out on dates. It is all happy and lovey and then one day you move in and they don't take out the trash. Boom. You're always pissed off.
And then he says "why are you always so grumpy?" and I say "Why cant you ever take out the fucking trash?"
"If he took out the trash, would it be better?"
"Oh hell no, we are WAY past that. It always just starts with the trash."
********************************
"At first he was so busy working. I loved how goal oriented he was. He worked and worked to start our family on the right foot. In between we had the kids. Now he has more time and all we do is fight. It is Miserable. We are trying counseling."
"Do you ever think that maybe you got along so well because you never saw each other?"
"Sometimes."
"Maybe you don't like him. Not even like, only now you have the time to see it."
"Shit."
*********************************
"I was happy. You know? Not OHMYFUCKINGGOD happy. But Meh happy. I am successful in my career. I have a beautiful daughter. Ya know? That kind of happy. Life was moving. And then I met her and she fucked my whole world up."
"How so?"
"It's like poetry. It's ridiculous. The first time I actually met her I was rocked to the core of myself. You know? It's like This is who I was made for. This is the woman that I am supposed to be with. When she laughs, It makes me smile. No matter what is happening. I can be pissed off, sad whatever. She laughs and I smile.
I can't wait to talk to her. I cant wait to see her. I hope every single text that pops up is from her."
"Sounds lovely....What's the problem?"
"I'm married."
**********************************
Emma is obsessed with Vampires and Everlasting love stories. Its a girl thing, so am I.
"Momma, do you believe in soul mates?"
"Uhhhhhhh.I don't believe that there is one person in the entire world that is for you. Only one. And if he lives in China then you're fucked.
I believe that you can meet someone with whom your mind loves, your heart loves and your body wants. Someone that speaks to every single part of you. Absolutely."
"Did you ever find yours?"
"I believe so."
"Who is it?"
"Nobody in the whole entire world, except me knows that."
At the pool yesterday, while the conversations that I typed were swirling around in my brain Emma again got on topic of relationships.
"Look I feel like that is setting you up for disappointment. Boys can be stupid lets not talk about this."
"No! Look at Brandee and Mandy! They are in love and Happy."
"That is different! They have evolved past the stupid shit. And they still love each other. Once upon a time they pissed each other off too."
"Yep. It's true Emma." Brandee said as she was perfecting the perfect dance pose in the pool. Her toes pointed out and her hands pulled back like a chipmunks. Mandy was holding her steady with a look of concentration on her face.
"I'm perfect but SHE has a lot of things to work on still" Mandy said as she propped Brandee up further.
"I think love is wonderful, okay? Im just saying. They have evolved past that. They are Love Evolved. You know? I think you have to be madly passionately in love with someone to want to make it work through the trash, the kids and the counseling."
"I don't even know what you are talking about."
"I know." I said and wanted to change the subject.
I stood up as tall as my squattyness allowed "Catch me." I announced to Emma. And proceeded to fall back into the water.
The subject was changed and I had to catch myself.
I want to mathematically figure out human emotion. I want to bottle it and shelf it. I love it. Talking about it and reveling IN it.
Emma is a little girl and I want her to form her own opinions about love and boys. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut but I DO try.
When we watch romantic comedies together and she "aweeeeeees" when the guy buys the girl flowers and she sings "He looooooves her." I want to interrupt and tell her what Real love is.
Real love is when he pisses you off and you want to reach over and pop his head off of his body because he made you so mad. And even though you are SO FUCKING MAD at him, you are laughing because he's EVEN cuter when he pisses you off.
Real love is not having to say the words that are on your heart, because he already knows them.
Real love is when she is upset, so is he.
Real love is when no matter what, you know that she will always be there when you roll over in the morning.
Real love is hands clutched at the end of life.
Real love is evolving past flowers, taking the trash out yourself and fucking in the middle of the day.
Real love is personal and affects us all differently. I have to let Emma make up her own mind about her own Real love.
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