Not yet.

It has begun.

Kindergarten Registration and testing at all of the schools.

Discussions about how to sit properly, line up properly and slowly.... ever so slowly snipping the ties that bind all of my children to me.

It is like an art. It is subtle and sad and sweet. All rolled into one.


It has already started. The parents mentioning to me that their children are sad to leave me. That maybe I could talk UP Kindergarten.

I don't want too. I want to stomp my foot and keep all my children for forever. I want to always have Masons Morehawks to look at, and Hannahs sweet smile, the way she crinkles her nose.

I want to slide my fingers over Jaydens hair every single morning and point out fat bits for Brooky to gobble up.

But I cant.

I do not simply teach the ABC's in my class. That's the easy part.

The MOST  important part of my job, is taking a child, who is nervous and scared and giving them strength.
Making a child SEE what is beautiful about themselves.
Teaching a child who is jaded and far too wise,  how to see magic in everything.

The first month in my class I do not introduce a single letter. THIS is what I call the bonding month.
We sing and we dance. I show them the BEST way to make fart noises with their mouths and I read them stories with both imagination and verve.

It is in this month that I gain both trust and love from them.
Now, it may sound strange or odd, but it is all for one purpose...it is because I believe that a child will learn more from someone that they love and who will also love them back.

And here is my quandary.
Each year my tiny babies will grow and learn and.... leave.

And that is good. But because I truly DO love them so, it breaks my heart.

We were sitting at circle time the other day, discussing Kindergarten and all that it would entail, when Mason proclaimed that he would never, EVER, leave me.

"Mace, you are going to go too." I crossed my fingers and sat on them so he would not see. "You will have so much fun and meet a new teacher who can read stories even better then I do."

(Which, is a lie. I mean have you EVER heard me read a story? Yeah...it's pretty much awesome.)

"No." He said. His face serious and his eyes wide. "I am not going too."

I sighed because he had buried his entire head into my crotch. and made a HURUMPH. sound which means, the conversation was over....for now.

From behind me (and to the left) Brooklynn piped up "Well I'm not leaving Mrs. Beanie either because I eat her farts." which, you know...is true but just pissed Mason off more because "NOOOOOOOOOO!" was echoed from my crotch.

I leaned back and smooshed Brooklynn against the wall, which made her laugh and we continued questions about Kindergarten.

Last Year it was Covin who refused to let go. And now he is fine.

I still see him every single day, I still demand a squish and a kiss (even though he hates it now)
And Corbin, just told me last week that even if he is grown and old, that he will "always, always love me. No matter what Mr.Juan says."

 I know that all of my babies will move forward and thrive, and I hope that whether it is confidence, intelligence or magic, that SOMETHING that I have taught, will always remain inside of them.

While Juan and I make Graduation plans for 2013, I have to blink back tears and gulp down sadness. Because I know this is necessary. I know this means that I have done my job well. I am just not ready to say goodbye.

Not Yet.