She cleaned my house, which... I felt sorta bad about, but then again she has to pay for the .001 % raising of my electricity bill SOMEHOW...so I got over it.
The very BEST thing she does is make dinner for us.
The first week she was here I wanted to CRY when I smelled dinner cooking. She whipped out delicious entrees and I swore she wore a Halo... (Which if you know my sister is wicked odd.)
But to me she did.
One night she popped a lasagne in the oven and sided it with a delicious chunky salad, covered in Ranch.
The next night she introduced me to Chili covered tater tots, complete with cheese and sour creme. I. ALMOST.DIED of fatty happiness.
Tacos, chili beans and rice and perfectly seasoned spaghetti as well.
I was in bliss. Every DAY I went to work the next day and bragged about my chihuahua sister.
"Last night she made delicious spaghetti! I wanted to DIE."
(It doesnt take much to make me happy okay?)
My co-workers all "oooohed" and "ahhhhhed" and smiled at my happiness.
I was queen of the delicious dinner world!!!!
My sister went home, And I missed her very much. I missed her company the most. Laughing over coffee, both in the morning and in the evening.
She was gone a week and a half or so, and came back to stay a bit longer.....or so I thought.
We went grocery shopping, so I could be sure she had enough fabulous ingredients...
Monday she made spaghetti. I had bought ground turkey at her urging. (It was cheaper) The noodles and sauce were fab, but the turkey was strange.
Tuesday she made sheperds Pie. Ground taco-y beef, mixed vegi's and mashed potatoes, smothered in cheese.
Mmmmmmm right?
I loved this once, but since I hate beef...or any meat really, I waited until she went potty, picked out all of the chunks of meat and plopped them in Karmas bowl.
I sat at work tonight at stared at Dawn. "Im so scared."
"Of what?"
"Dinner."
She laughed "Why?"
"I dunno...I don't understand it. And I don't want to complain about my tiny chihuahua sister cooking for me. plus I appreciate her doing it at all."
"Okay." She smiled.
And I left the office.
So I left work with a strange nervousness in my belly. I opened the front door and smelled dinner cooking. I peeked around the corner at my chihuahua and smiled.
I felt like a husband scared to death of his harridan wife.
"Hi chihuahua!" I called out with glee, praying that she couldnt tell I was nervous.
"Hi! Guess what! We're trying something new Chili Spaghetti! I had left overs so I wanted to use it."
My body shook with fright. I peeked into the pan. "Oh...OH!" I tried to smile.
The tone crept into her voice. The tone that says "Don't fucking piss me off, I slaved over the stove for a hot meal for you and you are ganna sneer at it!"
My eyes went left, and then right looking for a frying pan swinging tword my head.
I wanted to duck.
I mean...I really really wanted to duck.
"It looks interesting" was the only thing I could say.
"TRY it." she told me. Her smile gone. Her chihuahua eyes boring into my soul.
"No."
"WHY NOT! You're not ganna eat!?"
"O...of course I'm ganna eat! Just...later!" I smiled at her and felt my skin shiver.
I left the room calmly, turned the corner and RAN into my bathroom.
I called Dawn.
"Hello?" she squeaked
"Im so scared I'm so scared, I'm FROZEN in fear!"
"What's wrong?"
I peeked out of my bathroom and quickly shut the door.
"My sister made dinnerrrrrrrrrrrr......" my hands were clenched.
"Uh oh...what was it?"
"chilispaghetti" I whispered into my Motorola Defy
She laughed. "Say what now?"
"CHILI.SPAGHETTI...I dunnowhattodooooooooooooooo"
"Chili spaghetti???? What the heck is that?"
Jesse piped up in the background "What's wrong with chilispaghetti! That sounds delich!"
I hated him right then.
"Shut up Jesse! ....Maybe your sister doesn't to be there anymore?"
"You think?" I whispered, as I peeked out the door once more.
"For sure. She wants you to kick her out. that's why she made chilispaghetti"
"Oh no..." I gasped. "Okay I gatta go..."
"Goodluck dude."
I opened the door and ran into shanes room. I squished up next to him and burrowed my head into his lap. "Hidemehidemefromaunty. Im so scared, I don't understand!"
He laughed. "Calm Down Ma. It's just chili spaghetti. Noodles instead of rice."
"But...But...I don't get it! Aunty hates me. I just KNOW it! We have food. I just went shopping! Tht can of chili was 5 bucks! I woulda bought some rice!!! I have money!"
"MA!" shane laughed "Calm the fuck down Ma.." He laughed and I burrowed in closer. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh she's coming...she is hunting me! OHMYGOD she's ganna find me whatdoi dooooooo!"
"Just stop being a pussy and TRY it. Sheesh."
Shane is a traitor.
I saw her tiny form move past, and then she came into the room with a plate.
I flinched and moaned.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Im sorry im scared! I don't understand it!"
My sister is very small, and shaky and she is terrifying.
TERRIFYING.
She poked her finger in my butt and made me jump out of shanes bed. "Get out here and try this, stop being a baby!"
"....Kay..." I muttered, and followed her out.
She gave me a plate and stood over me with her fist on her hip. Like a teeny weeny nazi.
I ate the whole thing. "Mmmmm" I said. And flinched when she stared at me with her mean look.
"Oh stopit! If you want something else there is sheperds pie in the fridge."
"Ew. Nooooo!"
"EW!??? I thought you liked it"
"I just said that...im sorry!!! I don't like meat!"
I saw the hurt look on her face and I felt like a giant fat bag of douche.
"Ummmm.let's go smoke!!!" I said, trying to cheer her up.
It didn't work, but she pretended like It did.
We sat outside and I looked at her as we chatted. My sister thinks that one side of her face sags.
It does NOT. She thinks she is chubby, and she is a bone. She thinks her face has jowls and she does not.
She whispered to me tonight "I think I have body dismorphic disorder!"
I had to use everything inside of me not to pop off with "I think you have dinner dismorphic disorder"
But She would punch me in the kidney and I would probably die and not be able to hump my boyfriend in 83 days.....
In the end, I am thankful for everything she cooks.
But I won't lie, I may be nervous again tomorrow when I clock off.
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