On Thursday I looked at myself in the mirror and realized...holy shit! I'm skinny!!
....(not for realzies)
"I'm still fat." I pouted
"Be patient." Shane patted my leg
"But...but I am still fat, my fat is still allllll over!" I poked at my belly as we drove home from work.
"Yes, but you are BEAUTIFUL. SO there." He crossed his arms and I skinied my eyes up at him.
By the evening on the 4th day I just wanted to SMELL the peanut butter. I wasn't going to eat it, or lick it...just SMELL it.
"I miiiiisss Peanut butter. Peanut butter is natural. My body is supposed to have it! I miss bread and so I will grieve with PEANUT BUTTER."
(You can all shake your heads but it made PERFECT sense to me.)
"MAMA step away from the Pantry!" Emma put her body between the creamy JIF and my taste buds. "Double V mamma....Double V."
"Emma! Peanuts are made on earth and therefore I can eat them." I answered her, but I was already turning away from the peanut butter.
"Lets have a nice delicious salad!" Emma smiled at me encouragingly "You want me to eat one too? I will eat a salad for you."
"But you hate salad." I opened the fridge and reached for the veggies.
"I KNOW." she shot back and then cringed
I decided to try a wrap. "I'm so sick of meat chunks. I can't doooooo ittttt" I rummaged around in the fridge.
In case you cannot tell, I whine more then my children EVER have.
I made some chicken salad and plopped it in a lettuce leaf. A FUCKING lettuce leaf. I topped it with olives and avocados.
I looked at it. Then looked at Shane. "This is groooooooss."
"How do you know?"
"It LOOKS grooooooooos."
"Try it and then if it is gross don't eat it." He shrugged
I picked it up. "Look at it." I grumbled. "There is nothing delicious about this." It was leafy, green and not at all bread-ish.
"Mother. Just TRY it." Shane sighed and walked out of the room. I think he was frustrated at my whining, but whatever. I breastfed him for 2 years, he has to deal with my EVERYTHING. It's a deal we made when he was an infant and couldn't dispute it.
I lifted it to my mouth, closed my eyes and took a bite.
"Oh!" I said with a mouthful "This is delicious! Shaaaaane guess what?! This is delicious!!" I hopped a little on the balls of my feet. I was happy.
"Imagine that." Shane replied
That night I ate my wrap and my salad (with avocados, tomatoes, hardboiled eggs, green olives and cucumbers) and looked forward to my after dinner coffee.
DAY 5
Friday I woke up with a lot of energy. There was no dragging feeling that I had experienced for the prior 3 days.
I drank my coffee (no sugar) ate my bacon and eggs and headed out to walk with Karma.
The day was great with no problems....until.....
THE S'MORES INCIDENT!!!!!
(duh duh Duuuuuuuuuuh)
On my lunch I sat down on the office
"After your lunch, I need you to do the S'mores."
"okay!" I was excited. Mainly because I love doing stuff like this.
It was also a good way to find out first hand if Juan and I were as genius-y as we thought we were.
Back in the spring while planning our summer activities we had to come up with a way for S'MORE making to be faster and more plentiful. (AND with less graham cracker break-age...its a thing.)
The solution? Marshmallow fluff.
SO after lunch I grabbed the box of HERSHEY bars and went into the kitchen.
As I opened each bar of chocolate the smell bitch slapped my nose.
"WHAM" Deliciousness....
"WHAM" smooth and creaminess
I did the math and lined them up with the neatly(ish) broken graham crackers.
I stared at the chocolate....
"Hello Methamphetamine." I murmured
The chocolate did not talk back. It did however wish that I would make love to it with my mouth.
I moved forward and picked up the spoon.
Halfway though the S'MORE incident, I squealed with glee "this is fucking genius!!!" I would have done a fistpump,but I was sticky with marshmallow cream.
There were no breakages, no burned fingers and I got them all done within the hour.
I sat back, satisfied.
And then I noticed a glob of marshmallow in my hair.
"UHOHHHH" I muttered, staring at it. Instinct is to suck it off.
(that's what she said)
"Brandeeeeeeeeeee" I moaned
"Uhoh!" Brandee rushed over and popped my hair into her mouth. "There. All better." And she went back to sit down.
"Thank you." I said, as I stacked the last S'MORE on top of the pile of goodness."aaaaaand Finished. Challenge accepted."
The rest of the day went smoothly.
This morning (or day 6) found me in the Farmers Market and after a trip to Trader Joes to peruse all of their foods.
I ended up with some goodies to get me through the week:
Day 6 is half done. I lunched on fresh artichoke, and a berry salad.
So far so good. (minus the first 3 days)
To be continued.....
(unless a cupcake jumps into my body)
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